somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
