I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
