pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I just found puke in my bra..
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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