Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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