It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
