EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
