It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm too high and old for this...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
