So drunk its hurt
Porn is love you can see.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
