threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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