thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
