I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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