You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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