Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
