I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
