i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
