i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
