In America we eat man semen.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
