she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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