So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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