i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Is it because I queefed?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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