I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
These tits shall not be calmed
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
