Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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