my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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