I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I can't turn off my feet"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
