when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
