first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
