I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
