My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
