When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
