omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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