Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
