my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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