i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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