Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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