All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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