There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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