ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
