Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
