She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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