I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
