Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
