I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
