Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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