Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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