To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize