i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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