I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I want to fling myself into the sun
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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