so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
40s are totally the cure
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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