i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
