I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
