Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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