Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
