MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
