Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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